


A Death Wish

by princessofthedeadsheep



Category: Code Lyoko
Genre: Alternate Reality, Alternate Universe - Canon, Confusion, Depression, Fish out of Water, Foreign Language, French Characters, Gen, Japanese-American Character, Language Barrier, Mental Anguish, Multiple Languages, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-06
Updated: 2016-06-14
Packaged: 2018-03-10 19:17:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3300644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princessofthedeadsheep/pseuds/princessofthedeadsheep
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stuck in a world she had once loved, a normal girl is struggling to figure out how to get home without alerting the Lyoko Warriors that there's something different about her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Greetings! This is yet another fic I've started. Because I'm clearly barely in my right mind at times. So many fics. So many, you don't understand. _So many_. At any rate, all of the 'someone finds themselves in the Code Lyoko Universe and is fine with it' fics were driving me insane. Where are the people who are freaking the fuck out, desperately trying to get back to their own universe and the people they love? I want to see some of those people! So here is my version, with my own character. Rikako (pronounced Ree-ka-ko) is in no way shape or form me. I'm the whitest white girl, so if anyone has issues with how I'm writing a character who is Japanese-American, please, let me know. It is my wish to be as accurate and non-racist as possible.
> 
> French is written normally, Japanese is underlined, and English (which will appear in the first actual chapter) is italicized.

Hiroki was walking home alone, not unusual as Yumi usually stayed at school with her friends for a while, when he heard someone speak to him. 

“Hey, you’re Ishiyama Hiroki, right?” a female voice spoke in lilting Japanese. He started and turned toward the sound. She was leaning against a tree across the street, her expression sort of heartbroken. 

“Who wants to know?” he asked, and she gave him an odd quirked smile, sadness still in her eyes. 

“My name is Yamasaki Rikako. I just started at Kadic not too long ago. I’m in Yumi-chan’s grade.” 

“Yumi’s mentioned you,” Hiroki says, relaxing his posture and looking at her in open curiosity. “She says your French is bad so you’ll talk to her in Japanese instead.” 

“That’s true,” she shrugged, “I’m Japanese-American. I learned a bit of French in school, but American schools really are not good for learning a language.” 

“Or for much else, from what I’ve heard.” He half expected her to take offense, but instead she just laughed. He took that moment to cross the street to stand in front of her. “What are you doing here?” he asked. 

“I wanted to get away from the school, and this seemed like a good enough place. Perhaps not for long, but for a moment.” She tucked a strand of long black hair behind her ear. “I’ll admit I was also hoping I might catch sight of Yumi-chan. She has a better grasp on our work than I, and I was hoping she could help me out.” She smiled at him, but he could see the sadness in her eyes. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked plainly, not one for beating around the bush. The smile dropped off her face. 

“I miss my family and friend,” she admitted. “I was not given a choice in the move, and I have left them all behind. I didn’t even get to say goodbye. I am... wondering how they are.” 

“Really?” he could not mask his surprise, “why were you forced to come here?” 

“I don’t honestly know,” she looked away from him. “I just... can you keep a secret Hiroki-kun? From everyone. Even Johnny and Yumi-chan and Ulrich.” Perhaps alarm bells should have been going off in Hiroki’s mind, but instead the promise of a secret -a big one- was way too good a lure to miss. He nodded vigorously, and she looked around before she leaned over to talk into his ear. His eyes widened and he turned to stare at her in disbelief. 

“Vraiment?!” he breathed it out, and she gave him a bitter smile. 

“Vraiment,” she looked away, across the street. “I had two brothers, you know. One was older than me, he’d nearly graduated. The other one was about your age. You kind of remind me of him, a little bit. Not much though.” She gave a laugh, though it sounded more as if she were crying. 

“You have two brothers,” he reminded her, but she shook her head. 

“The thing is, I don’t even know anymore, I really don’t.” She pushed away from the tree. “I should probably head back, and I imagine you should get home soon too. Please don’t tell anyone what I told you Hiroki-kun. I don’t want to be tested for intergalactic travel.” Hiroki couldn’t help the giggle that came out at the thought, and she smiled at him more genuinely this time. 

“I promise,” he swore. As she turned to leave, he tapped her arm. She turned back to him. “If you ever want to talk about them, I’ll listen.” He said it shyly, but it was worth it to see the smile that lit her face up. 

“Merci Hiroki-kun,” she gave him a quick hug. 

“Pas de problem,” he said hugging back, “au revoir Nee-chan.” 

“Au revoir.” She left him at the tree, where he stood for a moment more. 

“Bizarre,” he muttered before he turned and headed home.


	2. Unfamiliar Familiarities

Rikako made her way back to her room considering her conversation with Hiroki. Perhaps not the best idea to reveal even a part of the truth to him, but she’d been here for more than a week and was frankly tired of it already. She had been almost relieved to find herself in the familiar enough territory of Kadic academy. That was, until she remembered that they all spoke French.

Relief had been short lived.

She had already had a spot at Kadic, strangely enough. Though there had been an issue with rooming, and apparently, for some ‘unidentifiable’ reason she had been stuck in a two person room and someone else had been placed in the single room, (the one that from her memory, had been Aelita’s). She didn’t really believe that it was a coincidence. At any rate, it allowed her to get sorted in the dorms before Aelita was brought in by the Warriors and placed in her room.

She was also ninety percent sure she slept through the invasion of the krankerlots that occurred the first time they materialized Aelita, because she felt that return to the past and was pissed as hell that she had to go through being sick from immunizations (which had been ‘helpfully’ tagged in her medical file) all over again. She was pretty sure the glare she’d aimed at the boys had been misinterpreted, but they hadn’t really seemed to care later.

When she arrived back at the door to her dorm she saw William leaning on the doorknob. “ _Where have you been_?” he teased her. She had cried tears of joy when it turned out William spoke English. Unabashed tears of joy, though she had been in the relative privacy of a bathroom stall. She’d quickly made an effort to befriend him, and he, seeing how she was already somewhat close to Yumi, had quickly agreed, much to her everlasting joy.

“ _I just went two blocks away. I walked until I stopped hearing French. Sometimes I swear it’s infecting me_.” She grinned at him, and he chuckled.

“ _I know what you mean. I noticed you managed to get the classwork done without Yumi’s help, congratulations._ ”

“ _Thank you, I thought it’d never get done. I swear they make it damned near impossible to work those things out sometimes! But the list of buzzwords really helped, so thanks_.”

“ _No problem_ ,” he said, waving it off. “ _So I’ve just gotten this new game and I think it’ll blow your socks off_.”

“ _No way_ ,” she laughed, her shoulders relaxing. “ _Are you saying you’re willing to show it off_?” he pulled the game out from behind his back and she rolled her eyes. “ _Well let’s get going then_!” She dragged him down to his room and his computer (she had to use the ones in the library) where the two set up the shooter game on it and began playing it mercilessly.

“ _Hey William_ ,” she started after he’d beaten her twice, “ _you know the field trip that we’re going on in a few days? Want to partner up? I was thinking we could also work with Yumi and whoever she partners up with, though we’d have to make sure that we used different plants. She’ll probably go with Ulrich, you know, that brown haired boy? Anyway, it’d be a nice way to get to know someone new, you know_?” she smiled over at him as innocently as possible, and she knew it was a good one because she was the queen of innocent smiles.

“ _I... sure, I guess_.” He shrugged, though she knew he’d been hoping to partner with Yumi. “ _But shouldn’t you partner with someone who will make you speak French_?” she couldn’t stop the wince.

“ _Perhaps, but I’d really rather not. They... well let’s be honest, none of them want to partner with me. You can’t honestly tell me you haven’t seen how people react when we partner up and it looks like I might partner with someone other than you or Yumi, or when I **have** to partner with someone else_.” She looked away and only barely saw the look of guilt that flashed over his face. She felt guilty herself. Not too guilty- she didn’t mind forcing Ulrich and Yumi to partner- but even she knew she was being exceptionally selfish.

“ _I’m sorry_ ,” he said, and she looked at him like he’d lost his mind.

“ _Why are you apologizing? It’s not like it’s your fault they don’t want to partner with me. Hell, I can’t even blame them, in their situation I’d probably feel the same way_.” She gave him one of her sadder smiles, the ones that she’d been learning to use more and more, and suddenly found herself with a face full of William’s chest. “ _Is there a reason I am now getting this lovely view of your shirt_?”

“ _I forget how hard it is for you sometimes_ ,” he said, as he hugged her to him. She gave in and wrapped her arms around him. It’d been a while since she got to enjoy a hug, and she found herself melting into it, hoping it would last forever. It couldn’t, but William seemed to sense her need and did not release her. “ _I know it must be frustrating, and probably kind of lonely too_.”

She shrugged and forced herself to let go of him. He was oddly handsy at times, but she didn’t really mind. He knew where not to touch, and if he forgot, she had a right hook that’d happily remind him. “ _Yeah, sometimes. I deal with it. So are you gonna be my partner_?”

“ _Yeah, I’ll be your partner_.” He gave her a smile that she returned easily. “ _So are you excited for the field trip_?”

“ _Of course, I love field trips_ ,” she giggled. “ _It’s so nice not to have to deal with all the schoolwork_.”

“ _My favorite excuse to slack off_ ,” William agreed. They began playing a few more rounds of the game, shooting each other dead for the fun of it at least another twenty times before his cell phone rang. “ _Oh, it’s my dad. I’ll tell him to call back_.”

“ _No, talk to him_ ,” she smiled at him. “ _You’re at boarding school, the least you can do is talk to your dad when he calls._ ” She did her best to hide her own sadness but she was certain she didn’t manage it completely from the way he looked at her. “ _I have something I should be doing anyway. I’ll talk to you later, ‘kay_?” she left before he could say anything, and before the phone stopped ringing.

She walked quickly away, but she heard on her way to the stairs a noise from Jeremy’s room. Hesitantly, she leaned against the door. Jeremy was speaking in rapid French on the other side of the door. She had no idea what he was saying, but when she heard the sounds of another boy talking (Ulrich probably) she had a feeling they were talking about the ‘surprise’ they had for Aelita. She’d have to make sure Aelita’s side of the room was clean.

“Salut Rikako-chan, What are you doing here?” Yumi’s voice came unexpectedly from behind her. Rikako whipped around, a hand on her heart as she meet Yumi’s suspicious gaze.

“Yumi-chan! You surprised me. I was mostly just thinking. I need to clean my room.” Rikako smiled while she debated how far to go. “I think it was mentioned that I might get a roommate, so I should keep that side of the room clean just in case, at least for now.” There, not too bad. It made it sound like caution instead of knowledge, which was what she was going for.

“Why are you leaning outside of Jeremy’s door?” Yumi was not to be deterred. At any other time, Rikako would likely have admired that.

“Oh, the voices,” she waved absentmindedly towards the door, noting that all sound on the other side had stopped. “I can’t understand what they’re saying but the voices are familiar, you know? It’s sort of like white noise. It’s calming. I didn’t really mean to just stand here like a creep, but I got sidetracked thinking.” She shook her head. “I really should head back to my own room, anyway. I’ll see you later Yumi-chan.” She began to walk away. “Oh wait!” she turned around quickly. “What were we supposed to do for our History class?”

“Summarize chapter eight,” a still suspicious Yumi responded. Rikako grimaced.

“Could be worse, I suppose. Anyway, bye!” She turned away and actually hightailed it this time. She knew Yumi would be watching her go, and she didn’t look back.

Well, she reflected, that could have been avoided. Rikako sighed, and didn’t bother to hide her scowl this time. She didn’t want Yumi or any of the others to think of her as anyone especially different. They already appeared to have... suspicions. Or at least, she thought they did. She couldn’t honestly say one way or the other. They were always friendly, but she had rarely really got to talking to them. Sometimes she would sit with them for a meal, usually when William had detention. In fact... now that she thought about it, she’d never seen William with the Lyoko Warriors. He didn’t seem to have met the others, only heard about them.

It was strange how this world worked around her and with her to make something similar to what she remembered. As far as she could tell, Yumi had yet to say anything to Ulrich about William, and while she knew William knew of the others as Yumi spoke of them, she didn’t think any of the others knew about William. Hell, she hadn’t even mentioned him. It was possible that Yumi had been the cause of this difference, in which case it wouldn’t be much of a strange event at all. Rikako briefly considered the implications of that idea, before deciding it wasn’t relevant enough to really focus on.

Rikako walked into her dorm room and then closed and locked the door. She leaned back on the door to her room and decided how to move things so they’d be split down the middle. She had two or three days before Aelita showed up, depending on if she showed up on the day of the field trip or just before. It was nice not to think of her plans and goals for once. Just clean the room... make it look nice... she channeled her mind to only clearing up the trash and her possessions (which included little more than two weeks’ worth of outfits and school supplies) so it looked more like she was neat than poor. She probably was poor, but there was no reason to make anyone else think that.

Homework was completed with much groaning and the repeated wish for anything, even google translate, which didn’t even exist yet. Nor did google maps. Nor did any number of other things that would make her life easier. She hadn’t even owned an iPhone and she missed those too. If she were an actual exchange student, she would have at least some of these things. But lucky her, she’d ended up in a universe that was ten years behind her own. If that was what was going on. If she wasn’t insane or in a freaking coma or something. She wasn’t sure if that would be better.

She had realized that season two was coming when she heard about the field trip. From there, it was a question of what she was going to do, and she honestly didn’t really know. She knew what she didn’t want: she didn’t want to become a Lyoko Warrior, and she didn’t want William to get possessed by Xana, which meant he shouldn’t become a Lyoko Warrior either. Of course, these goals were secondary to her most important goal, which was to get home, or at the very least, find out what happened.

And learn more French. That was important too.


	3. Aelita's Arrival

Aelita did indeed arrive the day of the field trip. Rikako was made aware of the fact that she was getting a roommate (which had caused Jim to go into unnecessary charades that she had rather thoroughly and unashamedly enjoyed, having enough French and logical use of the Code Lyoko timeline to get her there fine on her own) and they were introduced with a bit of confusion. Apparently, they had decided to stick with Canada as her cover story, but had changed it to specifically Quebec as her origin spot, so people would not question why she couldn’t speak English. Never mind that Quebec had an entirely different dialect than the French that was spoken here. She doubted anyone would really notice though, as the people of Kadic appeared to be, for the most part, willfully ignorant.

“ _William! What are you running everywhere for? It’s not a contest!_ ” Rikako ground out as she stopped in front of William- as well as Yumi and Ulrich, she noted- breathing heavily. She sent a scowl William’s way before she turned to Yumi and Ulrich. “Bon Matin!”

“Bon Matin,” Ulrich muttered, and she noticed he was throwing William distrustful looks (the rivalry had begun!).

“Good Morning! I’m sort of glad that you’re partnering with William, I can avoid the mess that’s going on with these two dense boys.” Yumi looked both amused and exasperated. Rikako laughed openly.

“You’re welcome I suppose. Hopefully we can work together some and these two will get along better.” The look on Yumi’s face and Rikako’s own thoughts on the matter seemed to both agree they wouldn’t. Rikako decided now was a good time to bring up the ‘news’ she had. “Do you know Odd’s cousin, Aelita? She’s my roommate now. She’s very pretty, I’m sort of jealous.” Yumi’s face flickered between surprise, and, strangely enough, relief. Ulrich, upon hearing Odd and Aelita’s names, suddenly became more interested in staring at her than William.

“Yes, I know of her. She’s very kind, and I’ll agree, very pretty, but don’t think you aren’t! Tu as trés belle.” Yumi’s response was unexpected, and it probably showed on Rikako’s face.

“Tu as trés belle aussi. Are you trying to convince them you’re more interested in me than them?” Rikako asked, confusion turning to amusement.

“It’s always nice to leave the boys speechless. I like to mess with them when their heads get big. Besides, who said I wasn’t interested in you too?” Yumi winked at her, and Rikako laughed so hard she thought she might choke.

“Well, it’d serve those boys right!” she managed to get out.

“I agree, we’ll leave them to wonder about the complexity of girls on their own, we should be going anyway.” Yumi held out her arm, and still giggling, Rikako took it. Both boys did indeed look very confused, and she could swear she heard one of them mutter “Les filles...” under their breath as both hurried to catch up with the two.

“ _What were you and Yumi talking about_?” William asked her as they settled into pace with the rest of the class.

“ _World domination. What did you think we were talking about_?” she asked him as innocent as she could be. He sent her a disbelieving look.

“ _You call each other pretty while planning world domination_?” he asked dryly.

“ _You don’t_?” she asked, faking alarm. She winked over at Yumi who was looking over at her theatrical expression with curiosity. Yumi giggled, much to Ulrich’s confusion and William’s frustration.

“ _Seriously Rikako. What did you talk about_?”

“ _Not that it’s your business what I talk to Yumi about, but since I was planning on telling you anyway, I mentioned how I got a roommate. Odd’s cousin, Aelita. She’s the pink haired one talking to Jeremy_.” She nodded ahead of them where Jeremy was talking animatedly to Aelita.

“ _And, let me guess, she doesn’t speak a word of English_.” William sighed.

“ _Not from what I’ve been able to gather, no. Not all that unexpected really_.” She looked at him strangely. “ _Why are you so upset anyway? It’s not like it’s some big huge surprise or anything_.”

“ _I know, but you’re my friend and I certainly don’t want you to struggle to communicate with everyone_.” He said it sincerely, and it brought a smile to her face.

“ _I... thank you. That’s very sweet of you William_.” Content with silence after that, they walk along the rest of the way, and she gripped his hand and they both pretended they didn’t notice. They split up as they reached the woods, naturally slipping away as they looked for plants to draw.

“Comment celui-ci?” Rikako asks, pointing at one of the plants a little further down the path.

“Comment á celui-ci.” Yumi corrected her gently. “Vous faites ces plantes,” Yumi pointed to the plant she’d pointed at and another nearby “et nous faisons ces plantes.” Yumi pointed to two more plants not too far away from the one Rikako spotted.

“D’ac.” She agreed, and as the boys apparently had nothing they wanted to add, they all sat around in a circle and began to draw. “ _William, what is draw_?” she frowned down as she tried to capture the right curve of the plant.

“Dessiner, _it’s a normal er verb_ ,” he looked up from his own drawing to look at hers. “Tu dessines bien, tu sais.”

“Merci, mais je ne suis pas trés bien.” She tried to hide her blush. She really wasn’t that good of an artist.

“Eh, je dois en désaccord!” Yumi leaned over to look at her work. “You draw very beautifully, for one who does not appear to have pursued the art.”

“Ah, no I did not. I have nothing more than a tendency for doodling. Hardly what I’d call masterpieces.” She knew she was not doing well to hide her blush. She heard Ulrich say something, but it was too fast and complicated for her to understand. She figured she didn’t really need to say anything, and it appeared that she did not, from the way the lack of reaction by William and Yumi. “Ah, Yumi-chan, I nearly forgot.” She smiled at her friend. “I meant to tell you, I had a strange dream and you were in it! We got trapped in a room, because we weren’t paying attention. I hope nothing like that happens today!” Yumi giggled.

“I’m sure nothing bad will happen,” she said. As though she were tempting fate with her words alone, at that moment Ulrich’s cell phone rang.

“Allô... non-” there was a mess of words from which Rikako only picked up Aelita’s and Odd’s names. Before Ulrich tried to make an excuse, Rikako decided she’d make it so he didn’t have to bother.

“ _William, what do you think that is_?” she pointed to a plant on the other side of the path, giving Yumi and Ulrich the chance to slip off.

“ _Hmm? Oh I think that’s a lily_.” he looked like he was about to say something else before he turned around and noticed the other two had disappeared. “Où sont-ils?”

“Je ne sais pas,” Rikako shrugged. “ _We’ll work on our own for now. I’m sure they’ll come back_.” They wouldn’t, but she hardly cared at the moment. Instead of drawing plants for the project, her mind went on a holding pattern as she thought over her memories of the episode. Ulrich and Yumi got trapped in a room, almost died, Odd and Aelita deactivated a tower, and boom return to the past.

“ _What are you drawing_?” William startled her out of her thoughts. She looked down, surprised, at the eye of Xana she’d sketched onto her paper.

“ _Just random stuff_ ,” she lied. “ _I let my mind wander, silly me_.” She shook her head and wondered how much actual time the whole return to the past thing had actually taken. She was betting on at least a half hour, probably more, but they’d only been gone for twenty minutes. She’d probably actually have to do some drawing. She could let William think she was a slacker, but frankly, she didn’t feel like testing the friendship at this moment. Luckily for her, William appeared to be thinking about Ulrich and Yumi.

“ _Did they go off to make out or something_?”

“ _If they did, I want pictures, because I wouldn’t believe either of them otherwise_.” She said dryly. Rikako nudged him with the side of her foot. “ _Not that it’d be your business anyway, but I’m one hundred percent certain that Ulrich and Yumi aren’t even sure of what they’re feeling yet_.”

“ _So I still have a chance_?” she didn’t think he’d meant to say that out loud, and she glad that this entire conversation was going to be wiped out.  It was for that reason alone that she answered the way she did.

“ _Honestly William, I can’t say that you definitely don’t, but Ulrich was there first, and her feelings for him, even if confused, are deeper and more developed than anything she could possibly feel for you at this moment. Perhaps she could come to love you. That’s not my business, but if you want my opinion... it’s far more likely the only way you’ll get with Yumi is if you also get with Ulrich. Threesome style._ Ménage à trois. _That’s what I think, anyway_.” She flicked her eyes over at him, then looked up fully when she saw his expression. “ _Why do you look **inspired**_?”

“ _No reason. Hey, how do you know so much about this anyway_?” he looked at her suspiciously, and she had never been so glad to see that damn dome of light as she was in that moment. At least this time, she didn’t have to do her homework again. That had been a huge pain in the ass. She still wasn’t used to the return to the past- she doubted she’d ever really get used to it- so it took her about five seconds of blinking to figure out she wasn’t that far back- only this morning, as Aelita introduced herself. In fact... she should be greeting her.

“Desolé, mon esprit...” she gestured as though her mind had walked away, though Aelita looked at her blankly. Right, no knowledge of human stuff yet. “Demander Jeremy,” she suggested. She knew she was talking like an idiot, but oh well. Aelita nodded. “Je m’appelle Rikako Yamasaki.” She finally got around to introducing herself. “Je suis très heureux de faire votre connaissance.” She added, though she knew that it wasn’t as usual in French to add a pleased to meet you.

Aelita smiled and returned the greeting, although she looked sort of confused. Not surprising, as she hadn’t acted that way earlier, but there was only so much that Rikako could do about that. She tried to remember what she had done... oh yeah, she’d made brief mentions of things that she thought Aelita should know in her stilted French. She started to repeat them, knowing she definitely still sounded like an idiot. Aelita, for her part, nodded along as though she hadn’t already heard what Rikako was saying, and soon enough they parted ways, with Rikako heading off to yell at William again.

The conversation managed to go the same as Rikako remembered, the only difference being that Ulrich didn’t seem as hostile towards William this time. The margin was slim though. She didn’t bring up the dream again, partly because she hadn’t actually had a dream and partly because she forgot that she should mention that. She hoped they didn’t notice. They probably did.

She settled down in her bed that night and looked over at Aelita. Aelita was dressed in a pink nightgown with a giant A on it. She had a feeling Odd had picked it out, though she wasn’t about to ask. So now she and Aelita shared a room, and she called that bullshit as far as any ‘fate’ would go. No, this was deliberate. As was placing her in every class that Yumi Ishiyama had. Despite this, she decided she would continue on as though she was not a rabid fan of Code Lyoko and had not watched all the episodes of all four seasons. Not that she could remember them exactly- she wasn’t a computer- but having a general idea of the plotline was certainly helpful at times.

Aelita slept peacefully for now. She hoped she’d sleep peacefully through the night, but there was no promise of that, especially knowing Aelita’s nightmares would come. Well. At least they’d be joining her own.


	4. Can't Stay Out of It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this isn't one of my really popular stories, but damn it, I like it, so I'm going to keep posting it. I probably will keep it more on the back burner unless interest increases though.

It wasn’t that she resented Aelita. She didn’t. There were times she pitied the girl, but she never resented her. Not even now. No, she did not even envy the way the girl was innocent of everything. She would, after all, suffer soon enough. No need to rush things.

Rikako watched her sleep often enough to know Aelita had disturbed dreams at times, but she didn’t always wake from them. Rikako, on the other hand, had gotten used to a hectic sleeping schedule that meant she napped at least an hour of lunch away in the library. Her dreams often flicked between horror and normality- she would dream of being possessed by Xana, nearly killed by Xana, nearly killed by a person or a spectre, or she would dream she was home again, being annoyed by her younger brother and laughing at something with her older brother, playing games with her family, cooking with her parents, giggling with her best friend. She slept through the night with the kinder dreams more often, but waking from them was hell. She much preferred the nightmares, in all honesty.

This morning was the first time Aelita had awoken from a nightmare. She gave out a cry that drew Rikako’s attention. Aelita was breathing heavily, as though she’d just run a mile. “Vous allez bien?” Rikako asked her calmly, as though she hadn’t just given up struggling to get back to sleep herself.

“Oui... J’avais mauvais rêve,” Aelita replied, before she asked a question that Rikako couldn’t understand. Rikako shook her head.

“Je regret, je ne sais pas quelle vous parlez.”

“Pourqoui êtes-vous vous réveillez,” Aelita reiterated, but Rikako still didn’t completely understand. She decided to take a guess this time.

“Je ne peux pas dormir.” She shrugged. “C’est bien.” Wait, had she just said it’s fine, or it’s good? Had she said this is good? Rikako scowled as she thought over the phrase. Maybe she was becoming paranoid, maybe that’s what was going on. Aelita didn’t seem that bothered by it though, as she was still recovering from her nightmare, and Rikako decided to let it go. She’d ask William or Yumi later.

They headed out to the showers, and Rikako tried to remember what happened next. Something happened, that was for sure, but she had no idea _what_. Was this the time Aelita thought she saw a wolf, or was that later? She was pretty certain that that happened in Mr. Puck, which had to be like, three episodes from where she was, give or take? Then Sissi started talking to Aelita and she caught the words ‘femme’ ‘pas’ and ‘douche’ and she knew Sissi was saying something stupid about the shower (douche meant shower and she’d admit, if only to herself, to being immature enough to find that hilarious) and Aelita, bless her innocent soul, was taking it at face value. Aelita began to walk away, and Sissi turned her back, looking smug. Rikako grabbed Aelita’s hand before Aelita got too far. Thankfully, Sissi didn’t seem all that interested in seeing if Aelita followed through.

“Où allez-vous?” Rikako asked anxiously. Aelita pointed upstairs.

“Monter un plancher,” Aelita said, and she sounded so much like a clueless five year old that Rikako suddenly got the urge to deck Elizabeth Delmas. She’d always felt sort of sorry for Sissi, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t being a bitch.

“Non, non!” Rikako responded quickly, trying to keep her voice down. “Vous ne pouvez pas aller la! C’est le grammaire des garçons!”

“Mais Sissi dit-”

“Elle est _not nice! I mean_ , Elle n’est pas sympa!” Rikako corrected herself hastily. “Elle a tort.” Rikako stared at Aelita desperately. Yes, she’d told herself to stay out of most things, but really, this was way too painful not to interfere with. If she could stop Aelita from going up to the boy’s dorms and embarrassing herself, she would, and the consequences be damned.

“Vous etes certain?” Aelita asked, looking confused. Rikako nodded furiously. “D’ac, je rest ici.” Aelita still looked uncertain, but she didn’t go anywhere. There was that at least.

The very first thing Rikako did after she got herself ready was go downstairs and walk over to Yumi, completely ignoring Ulrich, Odd and Jeremy.

“For the love of God, please take care of that girl before she falls off the deep end.” Rikako said, without so much as a bonjour.

“Something happen?” Yumi asked, clearly concerned.

“Yes! I barely managed to save her the embarrassment of listening to some very misleading advice Sissi gave her! That poor girl doesn’t yet have the knowledge or experience to be left to her own devices. I can only do so much! You all need to look out for her better!” Rikako couldn’t stop the fury that entered into her voice as it started to rise. “Until she knows more, until she is settled in she is a danger to herself! She barely understands humanity, and you would do best to remember that.” Yumi’s eyes had been wide, but the more Rikako spoke, the more her eyes narrowed.

“What do you mean? Why do you say Aelita barely knows humanity?” she demanded. The others were looking at the two in undisguised curiosity. Ulrich, noting Yumi’s more combative pose, even shifted himself to be more ready to aid her should she need it. William had noticed the two, but he hung back himself, looking at them warily.

“As if it couldn’t be more obvious! I’m not blind Yumi-chan, no matter my lack of language.” She shook her head, purposely forcing herself to relax her posture and bringing down the volume. “Aelita is like a child, not like a teenager. And do not try to fool me by saying she is from Quebec, I am not an idiot. I don’t care about what you’re doing or why you’re doing it. It isn’t my business, and you are not my enemy, but my friend. It has not, nor has it ever been, my intention to hurt you or your friends. I care about you, okay? You and your friends have been better to me than most, and I appreciate that.” Her voice softened and she looked away for a moment, closing her eyes. “I don’t want anything bad to happen to any of you, though I am aware that I am unlikely to get my wish.” She looked back at Yumi with more determination in her eyes. She barely saw out of the corner of her eye that Aelita had joined the group too, looking on with wide innocent eyes that only served to push Rikako further over the edge she hadn’t realized she was teetering on.

“You cannot treat Aelita as a fully actualized person right now. You have to remember that she is alone in her circumstances.” The words were bitter, and she couldn’t stop the tears that built around her eyes and the burning feeling in her throat. “Aeltia is alone without you. She isn’t like you, or the others. She can’t be alone like you can yet. Emotionally, she can’t handle herself. Do you have any idea what it’s like? To be around people who have no idea who you are and no inclination to care? No one wants to be around you because you aren’t like them. 

“Do you think it takes long for people to figure out how different you are? You grew up in France Yumi-chan, and even if people were prejudiced against you at least you shared a part of their culture and could fit in somewhere should you choose. Aelita and I don’t have that luxury. You are what Aelita has, and don’t you dare forget that she is different. Treat her human so she may get used to it, but remember she doesn’t know what that means yet. Sissi isn’t the only one who will take advantage of someone who doesn’t know what they’re supposed to do.” She barely noticed the tears. They were falling down her face and attracting the attention of many, none of whom had any idea what was occurring between the two girls. She felt herself choke as the emotion became too much. Yumi’s face had softened considerably, but she looked conflicted.

“Rikako-chan... I’m sorry, I will be sure that we take far better care of Aelita. I know it must worry you. I’m sorry I haven’t helped you more. I will also promise to take better care of you.” Yumi reached forward, but Rikako stepped back. She felt William’s presence before she felt his hand rest on her shoulder.

“Don’t make any promises you can’t keep. You need to focus on Aelita, on the things that surround her. Do not pretend that you don’t already have far more responsibilities than the average teenager. You don’t need me added to that burden. I won’t add to that burden. Take care of that child, dammit.” She leaned back towards William “ _Get me out of here, please_.” She whispered to him.

She felt him take her hand, she turned her body so that she could bury her face in his shoulder as he led her away. She didn’t care to look back. She didn’t want to know what they thought of what she had said. She started sobbing, stumbling in whatever direction William led her. The bell might have rung, but she was so out of it she didn’t really know. When she became aware again, they were sitting on their own in a secluded corner of the school, no one in sight.

“ _Hey, what happened back there_?” William asked. She moved off his chest, but continued to lean her aching head on his shoulder. Now that the storm of tears had gone, she found herself drained.

“ _More than I wanted. I was trying to warn Yumi about people pranking Aelita because she’s so innocent and new, and things got out of hand_.”  She groaned. “ _Thanks for taking me away from there. I’d have ended up face first in a wall if I’d tried to leave by myself_.”

“ _Hey, it’s cool. Plus, I think this is a reasonable excuse to miss first period_.”

“ _Shit, we skip homeroom_?”

“ _Bell for first period rung about fifteen minutes ago. You cried through homeroom_.”

“ _Fucking great_ ,” she hugged herself, and wasn’t displeased when William wrapped his arms around her. She snuggled in, trying to calm down enough to get over what happened.

“ _Did people play pranks on you a lot? I thought that was more of a guy thing._ ”

“ _Oh, girls can be just as cruel, make no mistake. I just ignore most of the French I don’t understand, so it’s like insulting a brick wall. No fun for them. They didn’t hesitate to try to prank me once or twice, if not outright bully me. I was just smarter than they were. I had some bad bullies when I was in elementary, they didn’t even come close. Most of them ignore me though_.” She sighed, still feeling as though she’d just unearthed her spleen. “ _We should get to class_.”

“ _We’ll go to the infirmary first. I’m sure you aren’t feeling a hundred percent, and Dorothy has already shown herself to be sympathetic to homesick kids. I’ll tell her you had a bad bout of homesickness and we’ll both get passes to class once she’s looked you over_.” He pulled her up, and reluctantly, she went along.

“ _You even kept my stuff from falling_.” She observed as he handed her her books.

“ _Of course, did you expect anything less_?” he smiled at her charmingly, but she just looked at him, as though she was seeing him for the first time.

“ _I... I didn’t expect anything, really. Thanks. Thanks for everything William_.”

“ _No problem_ ,” he said, and he pulled her to his side again as they began to walk. For the first time in a while, despite the lingering pain and discomfort, she actually felt relaxed.


	5. A Quick Fix

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since people are showing interest, and I already had this chapter done, I decided I'd go ahead and post this. The next chapter, unfortunately, will take a bit longer to come out, as I do need to divert my attention to the Within the Hands of Fate series at least for a bit.

Rikako sat alone on the bleachers, staring at the field in front of her as though it held the answers to all her troubles. William went to get them a lunch so she didn’t have to wait in line with everyone staring at her as she knew they would now that the rumor mill had found out what had happened. She could barely stand the looks she was getting in the halls and from the teachers. At least the teachers were sympathetic.

She had almost slapped Sissi when the girl had stalked up to her and started talking to her in rapid French that she knew Rikako wouldn’t be able to understand. Instead, Rikako started talking in rapid English and basically called the girl a self-centered child who acted out because she, like a four year old, didn’t know how to actually express her feelings. William had laughed while Sissi had looked on confused. “Il ne est pas amusant de ne pas comprendre ce que quelqu'un dit de vous, est-il?” She asked Sissi icily, making her expression brittle. Sissi hadn’t bothered her after that.

Someone sat beside her, and she didn’t look over. “Are you feeling better?” it was the last person she’d expected.

“Hiroki-kun! I... yes, I’m feeling better. What are you doing here?”

“I overheard some of what you were saying to my sister. I figured you must still be upset. I would be, if I had to leave everyone behind for somewhere unfamiliar where I couldn’t even talk to people properly.”

“That’s... that’s very kind of you Hiroki-kun. I appreciate it. Yeah. I’m still a little upset. I’ll get over it though.”

“No you won’t,” he said, surprising her. “You’re a lot like Yumi like that. You both just break down and keep going, pretending the problem isn’t a problem until you can’t handle it anymore.” She didn’t reply to that. “Do you want to talk about them?”

“Not right now. I’m not ready to cry again.”

“Alright. I’m going to go find Johnny. See you Nee-chan.”

“Goodbye Hiroki-kun,” she called as he left. She sat where she was for a few more minutes before William came over with a tray of food.

“ _I figured we could share, if that’s alright. I told the lunch lady and she was fine with giving me a bit more_.” She smiled up at him, and he smiled at her. “ _You’re looking better already_.”

“ _I’m feeling better_ ,” she reached for the water on his tray, uncapping it and drinking some. The two settled into their meal peacefully, sitting on the bleachers, away from everyone else.

“ _Yumi and her friends asked about you_.” William finally said after they had gone through about half the food.

“ _They were all there_?” she asked, not looking at him.

“ _Yeah, even Aelita. Yumi told me to say thank you from them and they all hope you feel better_.” He looked at her, trying to figure something out, but she just nodded.

“ _Good. Hopefully... things will change for the better. One can only hope. I can only hope_.” She frowned down at the rest of the food before turning to William. “ _How much time until class_?”

“ _About an hour, why_?” he asked. She ignored him.

“ _An hour... that should be just enough time. Want to help me out with something more fun than homework_?”

“ _Like what_?”

“ _Like entering an abandoned house and finding something important to give to someone_.”

“ _Well, that sounds like a noble mission, which I would be glad to help with, my lady_.” He said in exaggerated tones. She giggled.

“ _Good. We need to leave right now_.” William dumped the tray and they met at the gym, where she led him to the entrance to the sewers, along the way back towards the Hermitage. She tried to hide her relief when she guessed the right direction and they actually did end up there instead of the factory.

“ _Let’s see... I don’t know where it is exactly_.” She admitted. “ _But it can’t possibly be in any but two rooms. Either an office, or the master_.”

“ _What are we looking for_?” William asked her.

“ _We’re looking for a book on the Punic Wars. Trouble is, it’s unsurprisingly in French, so I’ll need your help to know if it’s what I’m looking for_.” They searched the office for only a few minutes before William located the book. He showed it to her, and she agreed quickly that it was what she wanted. She grabbed a pen off the side of the desk and grabbed a paper off the ground. She scribbled furiously on it, hoping the ink might still work. Instead, she got a face full of dust.

“ _Here_ ,” amused, William handed her a pen he must have had on him. She took it, pretending she hadn’t seen his amusement for the sake of her pride, which had already taken more beatings in the day than it should have had to handle. She scribbled this pen on a piece of paper that had been hidden and wasn’t as dusty, and managed to at least get it working this time.

“ _Here, I need you to write out a message in French. Try to disguise your handwriting_.”

“ _Why not write it in the book_?” he asked in a perfectly reasonable voice. She looked at him, affronted.

“ _Why would you deface a book like that? Especially when there is plenty of paper everywhere? Do you just hate books_?” she demanded. He raised his hands in alarm.

“ _Jeez, I didn’t mean it like that. Fine, what do you need to say_?” she dictated the message, William wrote out what he thought it should say and when both agreed that it sounded reasonable, William prepared to write it somewhere else.

“ _Wait, let’s see if I can find something_...” Rikako looked around until she found what she had halfheartedly hoped she would. Customized office stuff. Looking through it, she decided that the stamp probably wouldn’t work and so she grabbed a piece of the dusty ‘from the desk of’ type papers. It had Franz Hopper’s name on it, so it worked. She handed it to William who wrote the completed message and placed the folded paper into the front of the book.

They headed back to the school with little time to spare, and Rikako hid the book in her bag until she had the time to slip it to Jeremy. That was the hardest part so she had William do it because in the end, he was less of a threat to the Warriors than she was, sadly enough. He’d talked to them ‘on the sly’ about how Rikako was feeling, and he’d managed to get it into Jeremy’s bag as he’d already had his laptop out. Rikako didn’t ask how he did it. She would take her blessings where she could get them.

She returned to her bed without dinner, and pretended to be asleep when Aelita came into the room. She hoped she’d done the right thing. Xana wanted Aelita in sector 5, they needed to go there. That book was the best bet for keeping Aelita safe now that she’d interfered. She could only hope they managed to figure it out before Xana got a hold of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The French often have lunches that last like two hours from what I've heard.


	6. Slowly, Desperately

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long! But it is here now, and I hope you enjoy learning a bit more about how Rikako got here in the first place. It's been so long I had to completely re-immerse myself in her character... that was fun.

As far as Rikako could tell, her plan had gone entirely as she’d hoped. Jeremy had used the book to save Aelita. She almost walked in on Jeremy and Aelita’s shouting match, in which they decided they should go to Sector 5, which told her they had, fortunately, found their way past whatever trap Xana had set. Though she was aware that they had handled worse- and would continue to- without her help, she still found herself overly concerned with what they were doing.

In the meantime, her French had gotten better by the means of sink or swim, and she was able to hold half a reasonable conversation without too much trouble, though both her grammar and accent were absolutely atrocious still. William and Yumi continued to be godsends though as she struggled to understand what was third grade French at times.

“ _How have you managed to make it a month without knowing how to talk about eating_?” William asked once after hearing her struggle through a French assignment.

“ _I make vague gestures at food, and I do know the words for breakfast, lunch and dinner... that’s all that’s really important_.”

“ _I can’t believe you sometimes_.” William shook his head in disbelief. “ _Sometime soon I’m sitting you down and taking you through the food language_.”

“ _The what_?”

“ _You know what I mean. You sound like you’re two!_ ” It was said with fond exasperation, and Rikako knew that William had, despite himself, become irreversibly attached. She could admit that she had, in her own way, done the same. She missed her older brother and found that William was like him, in some ways. It actually comforted her, in a strange way.

“ _Sorry I wasn’t raised speaking French_.” She said, rolling her eyes. He responded by doing the same. “ _Thanks, as always, for the help_.”

“ _As always, no problem. You sure you don’t want to hang out?_ ”

“ _Nah, I’ve got something I need to do. I’ll talk to you later_.” Rikako smiled, grabbing her bag and leaving with a smile. She dropped the smile when she exited the library, her mind on going somewhere, anywhere that could explain what had happened to her. So she headed back to the place she had appeared. She walked straight out the gates without much trouble. She was good at blending, at looking like she belonged. It was a useful, if occasionally distasteful skill, in her opinion. She nearly laughed at herself. She was nothing but an actress now, wasn’t she? All she did was attempt to blend, pretend she was not quite who she was. She made her way to the Seine, which resided not too far from the school. The Seine ran all the way through France, if she was remembering correctly. It also contained the island on which the factory remained to this day- in this world, at least- not that she should care.

Here she was, at the place where it all began, a small area where water met shore. She remembered waking up like it was yesterday- wished it was only yesterday. The water had been cold, so cold, and there had been this shocking feeling running through her, an exhilaration that felt so out of place, something she still didn’t understand. Despite the coldness, she had not been wet. She’d pushed herself up in confusion, and had been sitting in the water, miraculously dry. She’d stood up, swaying, feeling as though she’d been thrust through a dream.

She stood just before the water, as she had then, and she felt no closer to finding out what happened to her as when she had first emerged from it. She touched the water with the tip of her shoe, watching as water dripped off it. How had she come from this water dry? Perhaps it was a silly thing to focus on, but it was the first question that had popped into her mind.

“You sure do weird things. Don’t you have to do something to get out of the school if you aren’t a day student?”

“Probably.  But most people leave you alone if you don’t look scared of getting caught.” She didn’t bother to turn around, allowing herself to continue her examination of the place she’d arrived at. “Are you following me, Hiroki?”

“Nah,” she could hear the dismissal in his voice, but she remembered him as not being above following people when he got curious. Sure enough his next words were “I was just wondering what you were doing, so I came to the same place you did.” It tickled a laugh out of her, if only a small one.

“That could be defined as following, you know.” She swore she could feel his shrug.

“What are you doing here?” he made his way towards her, and he was standing next to her, looking at her, and she debated, for a moment.

“This is where I... came here from, I guess. I woke up right here.” She gestured to the water directly in front of her. “I just woke up here and it was like dropping from a dream into awareness, but I guess I just didn’t wake up in the right place.”

“Well maybe you were meant to wake here,” he said. She looked over at him.

“Oh, what makes you think so?” she asked him, genuinely curious.

“Well, all that kind of stuff happens for a reason, right?” he looked over at her, and he seemed so innocent, so young. It figured she’d choose to confide in someone who wouldn’t truly be able to comprehend her pain, beyond the most basic pieces.

“I don’t know,” she admitted, “but if there is a why, I want to know. This is happening. I don’t think even my wildest nightmares would torture me so.” She wrapped her arms around herself, hugged herself in an effort to ward off the pain.

“Could you tell the difference? When you got here could you tell it wasn’t your world?” she couldn’t help the humorless smile that appeared as he asked.

“Immediately. There are a lot of differences. The colors, the people, the very air is different here.”

“Vraiment?”

“Yes, really. The colors are different where I come from. I suppose I’d say they were brighter than the colors here. And the people, they look... different. It’s hard to explain, but it’s an instantly recognizable sort of thing. Although I’m very happy that solar energy is becoming a big thing here. And that climate change is apparently not a thing. Two great things that do not match what was going on in my world, so _hallelujah_ to that, at least.” He giggled, and she couldn’t help but smile a little more genuinely.

“Maybe there’s something you have to do here. Maybe then you’ll go home.”

“Peut être,” she agreed, though she didn’t really believe it herself. God forbid she let that stop her from trying, though. “I should go” she said in stilted French (because this was where she was, for goodness sake, this was her reality now, wasn’t it? And she needed to learn French, dammit).

“Well okay then,” he said, ignoring her change in language. “I’ll see you later nee-chan.”

“Ciao.” She turned and left, taking the same path she’d staggered a month or so before. Why had she taken this path? Was it fate, or destiny, or cruelty leading her on? Would she have found a story wherever she had ended up, or was it always meant to be Kadic?

More questions to which she had no answers.

She stopped just inside the gate of the school after she saw Odd get slapped, and the girl walking away in a huff. She walked toward him. “Bonjour, or maybe no for you.” He turned to her, gave her a smile at her weird sounding French, then a shrug.

“Ce sont des choses qui arrivent” it took her a moment to translate that in her head to something like ‘it happens’.

“Eh, c’est regrettable.” She said, moving closer now. It had been building, this feeling of isolation, this feeling that no one could understand. Perhaps she could... perhaps he would... “ _I want... I mean_ , Je veux un baiser.” His eyebrows shot up, and she couldn’t blame him, she hadn’t actually been thinking when she said that, and it was an abrupt and unusual request.

“Tu veut un baiser de moi?” he asked, tapping his lips and looking amused. She was probably blushing rather heavily, but yeah, actually, now that she’d asked, she did want that kiss.

“Oui. Je veux un baiser, pas un petit ami. Je veux le... er... _proximity_?” despite her confusion, he seemed to get what she meant. He looked at her for a moment, then gestured with his hand for her to follow him. She did. He led her to his and Ulrich’s dorm for privacy. He sat her on his bed, then looked at her seriously. 

“Tu es certain?” he asked, and she could do nothing but nod. He sat next to her, pulled her close for a moment, kissed her cheeks, her jaw, and then kissed her lips. It was not her first kiss, certainly not, a boy back home held that honor from her eighth grade social, but it had been a while. She clutched at him, trying her best not to lose control and accidently hurt him in her agitation. He turned that chaste kiss into a deeper, more intense kiss. She welcomed it, their bodies moving closer as he wrapped his arms around her waist and she wrapped hers around his back.

She didn’t know how long they were there, losing herself in the feeling of someone being close to her, someone holding her, and she could imagine and pretend that it was someone who knew everything and loved her and wanted her around. She didn’t notice the tears until they began to fall into their kisses. Odd pulled away and she just looked at him, still clutching onto him. They remained in each other’s arms for a moment, before she detached herself.

“ _Thank you_ ,” the words were barely a whisper, but he heard them.

“ _You’re welcome_ ,” he said in very accented English, and she smiled at him. “If you want... you may have another kiss tomorrow,” he told her. She was surprised at herself and at him, but then she nodded.

“I’ll think about it.” She responded. She left the room, pleased that no one saw her leave. She didn’t want to deal with the rumors that may have already started. It helped, that kiss. Put a balm on some of the pain. But it didn’t cure it. She stumbled up to her room and sat on her bed, her thoughts a whirl. Why had she come here? What had brought her here?

She had never been this unsure before. She had always been content in her life, discounting the normal ups and downs of life on its own. She’d enjoyed her siblings, even if they could be annoying at times. She’d loved her family, had good friends if not great ones. She’d never been especially great. She’d known that. She was intelligent, but not overly so, good at most things but great at little. She liked to doodle on things and talk with her friends and read books. Nothing too amazing, nothing too flashy. Her life, as it had once been, had been soothingly normal.

And she had been fine with that. She had never been overly ambitious- as long as she would one day make an honest living, make her family proud- she was not concerned by what she would do, what she would be. That hadn’t been true uncertainty, as she’d had vague ideas of what she’d do, of where she’d go. She’d thought of becoming a graphic designer, something she had some skill with, or perhaps an administrator, as she was good at managing things and rarely felt nervous about business phone calls.

She missed the simplicity of her old life, of knowing where to go and who to trust. She missed the relative safety that disappeared when you knew you were under constant threat of an evil computer virus. Rikako had not been and never would be a fighter. She had no interest in fighting, she hated adrenaline rushes, and she didn’t like the uncertainty of this life. Yet she was already a part of it.

What was that phrase people had started using? Ah yes.

Fuck her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to incorporate some 'translated' French because I won't be able to write entirely in French forever.


	7. A Day at a Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't get angry at my grammatical errors in Rikako's speech, they're there to show she's still learning French. It took me a while to figure out how I wanted to play this, but I'm actually fairly pleased with how this turned out.
> 
> The title is based on the only good advice my first therapist ever gave me: "Remember, take things one day at a time. Just for today."

“You know,” Rikako said looking over at the barely open door with beady eyes, “you really shouldn’t be talking right now. Dormeeeeeeeeeeeez,” she groaned, dragging out the e sound and glaring at Aelita, who bid Jeremy a hasty goodbye. _Why are they standing there talking in the middle of the fucking hall_ , she wonders sleepily, _where anyone could hear them?_ “If you want secrets, Aelita,” she mutters to the girl quickly changing into pajamas in the dark, “don’t say them in the hallway.” She’s not sure if Aelita heard her, but she’s sort of hoping she might actually get some sleep that night, so she doesn’t bother to care.

The next day is a perfectly normal day, until she wakes up and it’s still the same day. Then she remembers, and starts to swear incessantly. She was never really the swearing type back home, but she has found that nothing adequately explains her emotions quite like these swears do. Aelita is looking like she was just shot off a truck, but Rikako doesn’t care at that moment. “ _I am going to stay here, listen to music, and pretend the world doesn’t exist. After I’ve slept another two hours_.” She mutters to herself.

And that is how she spends two subsequent days- which aren’t really days, anyway. When she wakes up and Aelita isn’t there, she figures she best return to class and cover for Yumi if she has to. Sadly, she does have to, but at least it’s quick and not too bothersome. She then proceeds to sigh, rather heavily, and do a quick check in her head. Maybe she should get a diary- it would be stupid, yes, but damn she needed something. Plus Xana was a computer, so it would at least be safe from him. She had read about computers not being able to understand pictures of words and captchas and stuff, so...

Taking one of her notebooks, she starts writing every plot point of Code Lyoko she can remember. She wrote the vague things she could remember about the relationships of the Lyoko Warriors, when William had been possessed, what any of the events she was about to experience meant... and she began to reconnect dots that she hadn’t realized needed connecting. Mr. Puck had a key inside him, and that correlated to the Warriors discovering Franz Hopper’s diary... or at least, as far as she remembered. Xana getting free somehow correlated to Aelita being the key to Lyoko...

She pushed the notebook away, rubbing her temple. She had at least ten pages of facts, speculation, and half remembered plots. She had done what she could. She put the notebook in the bottom of her drawer, and then left to go find William. He was hanging out in his own room, apparently ignoring all of his homework. She stepped in drawing his attention.

“ _Hey, you took off earlier!_ ” he said with a grin.

“ _Yeah, sorry about that_.” She responded cheerfully, dropping onto his bed with a bounce. “ _I had something I really needed to do, but I’m done now._ ”

“ _Well good, you and I can play more games. I don’t feel like doing homework right now._ ” She laughed at him, and he pulled her out of his room and led her to the rec room, where the two started talking in rapid English while creaming some of the other students at a few games. It was more than a bit of fun to be able to openly talk strategy, since most of the students didn’t have a grasp of English beyond the basics. After that, Rikako convinced William to try out a cup song (THE cup song) she’d heard in her own universe, though she didn’t tell him that.

“ _It’s a lot of fun, you do it like this._ ” She began to tap out the melody of the cup song on the cup she’d grabbed, her voice automatically joining her on cue. “ _I’ve got a ticket for the long way round_...” she looked up at him. “ _You try_.”

He took the cup from her, his lip twitching, and started to copy her movements. He was pretty skilled and it took him no time at all to pick up the rhythm. She wasn’t horribly surprised. Soon enough the two were trying to recreate the song.

“ _That’s not how it goes_!” she scolded him, trying to keep a straight face and failing.

“ _Well I think it would sound far more interesting if it went this way_ ,” he said, stealing her cup and attempting a new melody. She tried to take the cup she’d been using back but he pulled it out of her reach and the two ended up wrestling on the floor over it, laughing breathlessly. In the end, she was splayed over his stomach breathing harshly, and he was trying to shove her off. This caused her to giggle even more, but she managed to roll off of him.

“ _You are such a dork_ ,” she told him when she was finally able to breathe a little more.

“ _Yeah, well you’re just as much of a dork as I am, then_.” He was panting, but his dark brown eyes were alight the same way she imagined hers must be. Her ribs hurt, every breath brought stabbing pain to her chest, and half the room was staring at them or rolling their eyes at them. She hadn’t been this happy since she’d been in her own home. She closed her eyes for a minute to let herself relish the feeling.

CLCLCLCLCLCLCLCLCL

Rikako was already awake that night (or rather the next morning) when Aelita screamed and reared up clutching her covers. She vaguely wondered why Aelita got up like that, and if it was done to look dramatic because she was a main character, but she also realized she was being unfair.

“You okay?” she asked Aelita, who was looking rather disoriented.

“Yes. Did I wake you?” Aelita looked over at her but Rikako shook her head.

“No, I’ve been awake for probably 30 minutes now. I have some... uh...” she realized abruptly she had no idea how to say what she wanted in French and scrambled for the correct concept. “ _Insomnia_. Difficulty with sleep.” Was what she settled on a moment later.

“Oh. Why?” Aelita asked. Rikako shrugged.

“About the same reason you do.” She responded. “So, you sure you’re alright? Don’t need me to, I don’t know, look at for monsters or something?” Aelita clutched her covers in alarm at Rikako’s gentle teasing.

“Could monsters come here?” she asked. Rikako paused and contemplated her answer.

“Monsters can usually go everywhere, or close. I don’t think there are any here right now, but it’s never a guarantee. Little is. _Monsters will always exist. There’s one inside each of us._ ” Rikako shook her head at herself than gave Aelita a small smile. “The monsters will probably leave us be here. We can have hope, right?” Aelita nodded.  “So what was your nightmare about?”

“I was being chased by wolves. But I wasn’t me, I was a sort of elf or something. And the wolves just kept coming. One attacked me and I woke up.” Aelita shivered in her bed.

“Yeah that sucks. I used to have nightmares about turtles. I got bit by one and I haven’t trusted those little parts of hell since. I used to dream they’d surround me and drag me into a pond.” Rikako let herself smile at the memory. She still hated turtles, but the nightmares had been funny in hindsight.

“That’s horrible,” Aelita did in fact look horrified at the thought. Rikako laughed a little.

“Well yes, but nightmares are no good. Later, they can be funny to think about, though not in your case. Maybe next time you have the dream, you should try to change something. Dreams can be changed to your will sometimes.”

“I’ll give it a try,” Aelita said in determination, getting herself ready to go back to sleep. “Thanks for talking to me.”

“No problem. Wasn’t doing anything else that interesting at this hour.”

“Will you go back to sleep too?” Aelita asked, but Rikako shook her head.

“No. I can’t. Sleep if you can, but I’m too get up.” She said. Aelita looked confused at her response (though whether that was Rikako’s grammar or the idea, Rikako didn’t know), but seemed to decide to head back to sleep anyway. Rikako let the girl’s steady breathing fall into the background as she fell into silent speculation.

When the time finally came to head to the showers, Rikako stuck by Aelita. When they entered the shower it almost seemed like things were going well, but when they split off to go into individual showers (which there were many of, though Sissi liked to lock the door to prevent other people from coming in, she’d learned) Aelita screamed at what seemed to be nothing. It took Rikako a second to remember, to react- a second too long, as it turned out, to keep her from panicking and shouting as she left the shower room.

“ _Whoa hey Aelita, are you okay? There isn’t anything there, you’re safe_.” She said. Worry had made her switch back to English without meaning to.

“She said she saw un loup.” One of the girls said.

“Un loup?” Rikako had to take a second before she realized that no, they weren’t talking about rope, and they were all still on the same subject here. “Ah, Non, she must still be asleep. A dream while awake. There is no wolf.”

“Well that’s good.” One of the other girls said. One or two glared at Aelita, but the others looked sympathetic.

“Aelita, come back now, all is well. You can tell your friends and hopefully they have better advice on nightmares than I.” she smiled at Aelita even as the girl glanced away, and she helped Aelita check that there were for sure no other signs of wolves before the two took their showers. Rikako was reminded of her little brother, Yuu, how he was still scared of the dark and of monsters in the closet. Comforting Aelita made her feel a little bit more like she’d been summoned by her brother just before bed to check for monsters. It was comforting.

The Lyoko Warriors would visit The Hermitage or something... she was having trouble remembering what had happened here. She knew what happened on Valentine’s Day, because that had been one of her favorite episodes, but this one, not so much. Things took care of themselves from what she remembered, so she wasn’t worried about it. When she left the dorms she ran into a harried looking Odd who pulled her into a corner.

“Hey, had one heck of a morning, and I’ve got some time. Want to make out?” he asked her. She giggled a bit but nodded, allowing herself to melt into the kiss he provided.

Odd was undeniably a good kisser. Rikako was half afraid she might get addicted to the feelings his kisses gave her. It was so wonderful, so freeing. She had such trouble shutting down here, to the point where even the things she used to enjoy, the things that used to relax her, didn’t work anymore. Odd’s kisses did.

They only kissed- she wasn’t interested in going much further than a bit of touching, and Odd respected that. They’d met up several more times, and not always in places that were especially private. Corners that were usually avoided didn’t mean always avoided, and she knew they’d probably been seen or soon would be. She didn’t especially care. As long as Odd was willing, so was she.

She hadn’t told William, or Yumi. Neither would understand, and it was difficult enough to explain. She was fairly certain she’d been threatened by one of Odd’s ex-girlfriends, but the entire conversation had looked more like something out of a very bad parody film, with exaggerated gestures that made no sense to Rikako. She wasn’t really concerned about it. It wasn’t like Odd kept girlfriends for very long anyway. She wasn’t one of them, didn’t intend to be. This wasn’t romance, it was distraction. 

She liked it that way.


	8. Drifting Further

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A much more introspective chapter, but this is all about how Rikako feels, so why shouldn't it be? I should warn everyone that it is definitely going to get more depressing before it gets more cheerful. So beware if you're sensitive to those things. Hopefully the next chapter won't take nearly as long but don't hold your breath.

That evening, Rikako took stock of what was going on. She didn't see Jeremy get possessed, for which she decided she ought to be grateful. She hadn't realized he'd been possessed until she'd heard some of Yumi's conversation with Ulrich (an unexpected development). She tapped her pencil on the notebook page which now had a big check next to _Jeremy gets possessed and attacks Aelita_ and _Jeremy goes to Lyoko and decides he hates it_. Trying to figure out if there was anything else she needed to worry about in the meantime.

Valentine's Day was the one day that she knew for sure, but everything else was pretty up in the air. She sighed. There was still time, she thought, time until she had to worry about the Valentine attack. She didn't want to worry about it. While she did want to help, none of this was technically her business. What was her business was getting home, something she hadn't been able to focus on. Not that focusing on it had gotten her any closer to answers, she acknowledged. There was little to go off of, she was home in bed, then she wasn't. Not exactly a solid lead.

The very best she could do was delve into science and philosophy, and the fact that she knew there were several theories on multiple universes and parallel universes that probably had been proved by her presence alone. That, or she was having one very intense coma dream. She had yet to rule that out, though she wondered why she wasn't remembering what would put her into a coma. Shouldn't she remember something, if that were the case? She didn't know, but she certainly thought so.

The biggest problem was it didn't feel like a dream. Dreams skipped, dreams were fluid and nonsensical. This wasn't. This was clear and time moved as it did in her own world, from what she remembered. And she dreamed. She dreamed of home and her family and her best friend. She dreamed as she had before. Surely, that meant something.

She didn't think she wanted to know what that meant, though.

Aelita came in then, though Rikako ignored her in favor of going through her notes again. A quick look at the bits she remembered and the connections she had made could jog something else in her memory, though she wasn't sure what. Was Xana going to go around kissing everybody anytime soon? She thought so, but she wasn't sure. Soon could be very relative, she had discovered. The Lyoko Warriors weren't actually gone constantly, maybe once a week. It had surprised her at first, but then she'd realized it made sense. They'd hardly be able to avoid expulsion if they were gone constantly.

Sighing, she gave in for the night, shoving her notebook away without much thought and grabbing another notebook, which she used for history. She had a test the next day that she would barely be able to read, so she might as well get used to the dates and names if nothing else. Her struggle to learn French continued, and though she knew a lot more now, and could understand more, she still spent most of her time struggling through the language and culture. It was exhausting. She was beginning to wonder if she'd ever learn enough, or if she'd be constantly struggling. William swore she'd get it soon enough, but she wasn't so sure.

"Are you alright?" Aelita asked her, startling her out of her thoughts.

"I'm fine. Just frustrated." She scowled at her notebook, flipping open her French-English dictionary to look up a word she had forgotten to define. "I would have thought that by this time I would have finally become fluent, or close to it, in French. I mean, I'm even bilingual! It should be easy! They always say it's easier to learn languages when you are. Some of it is. It's easier to figure out word order, usually. Some of the grammar isn't so bad. But there are so many words!" She flipped through the dictionary with resignation. "I'm hearing practically a hundred new words a day, I could swear it. And half the time they don't mean what I think they mean. Sometimes it's just... a lot."

"I'm sure it won't be so bad soon. You're learning new words all the time! You're learning even when you aren't thinking about it. Soon, you'll be speaking French fluently. Perhaps, if you don't focus on trying to learn so much, it'll come more naturally? Jeremy says that stressing over these things can sometimes make them worse." Aelita said, trying to comfort her. It worked a bit.

"I hope so. Maybe I'll give it a try, though I'm not sure how well it'll work. Thanks, Aelita."

"No problem," Aelita beamed at her, despite the tiredness that lay at the edge of her eyes. Briefly, Rikako wondered if her nightmares would ever end. She dismissed the thought- Aelita's nightmares were her own problem –and closed the dictionary with a thump.

"I should probably focus this for a bit before bed. I hope you don't mind the light."

"Oh no, I have some things I can work on myself." Aelita assured her before heading over to her bed and pulling out her laptop. Using the sound of Aelita typing to lull her into focus, she soon finished studying to her satisfaction. She wouldn't ace the test, she was sure, but at least she wouldn't fail. Probably not, anyway.

Switching to her pajamas, Rikako found herself staring at her reflection. It was so odd, she thought, to see herself in the guise of this world. It wasn't what she would have called animated, not the way things were animated back home. It was different though, and her forehead, to her utter resignation, was indeed longer than before. It made her fell slightly off, like she was looking at herself through a funhouse mirror. Uncomfortable, she shut the door of the armoire, turned the desk light off quickly, and shuffled to her bed.

In the darkness Aelita's face was lit by her computer screen. Rikako didn't bother to try and see what was on it- no point, she thought, as it would either be uninteresting school work or computer programming she wouldn't understand anyway. Rikako settled into her bed while Aelita continued to type. She didn't think Aelita had even realized the light had gone off, she was so absorbed in what she was doing.

Despite her tiredness, Rikako found closing her eyes to sleep to be a futile effort. Her body simply did not wish to shut down, much to her chagrin. So instead she found herself studying Aelita. She was pretty, Rikako could easily say. Her green eyes were bright, and went well with her pink hair. Rikako thought it suited her better than blue or brown eyes might have. Her features were soft, though what was youth and what would stay was hard to determine. Her eyes were glued to the screen, her fingers moved with a natural ease, her brow slightly creased as she concentrated. She made quite a picture.

Rikako found her thoughts drifting to the genetics of this world. She had, in fact, looked them up after curiosity had gotten the better of her while looking through her science textbook. The very basics were included, and they did mention what seemed to be the rarity of unusual hair colors. The eye colors, at least, appeared to be the same. She wondered whether her own looks would have changed, if she'd actually been born in this world.

She didn't think so- her own dark hair and brown eyes seemed to be biological dominators here as well as at home, but stranger things had happened. Her best friend Cecily was a host of recessive genes. Her entire family seemed attracted only to people with equally recessive genes, and they were an almost obnoxiously blue-eyed platinum blond and red haired bunch. Yeah, genetics were weird. The red heads came out of left field and then stayed around for at least a generation. That was probably what happened with Aelita and her mother, come to think of it.

"Aelita?" Rikako tried to stir Aelita from her computer. Aelita blinked to herself, as though she'd actually been in a trance.

"Yes?" She asked after another two blinks.

"What do your parents look like?" Rikako asked. She genuinely wondered if Aelita knew. She saw them in her dreams and flashbacks, but had she made the connection?

"I-I'm not sure. I haven't seen them in a long time." Aelita said after a while. "Why do you ask?"

"I was thinking about your hair," Rikako said honestly, "I mean, it's probably... what's the word?"

"Genetic?"

"Sounds right."

"I don't think so," Aelita said, a little too quickly.

"Why not? If you don't know what your parents looked like, then how do you know what might be genetic or not? Unless, of course, you are presuming you have no genetic parents. In which case I would say unlikely. Even the most advanced of technology has yet to create a human like intelligence artificielle. Humans don't seem to be able to be programmed, not yet anyway." Rikako said as she watched the open curiosity on Aelita's face shift to thoughtfulness in the light of her computer screen.

"You really think so?" Aelita asked.

"Yeah, I do." Rikako said. They were both silent for a few more moments, Aelita looking at her screen but not really seeing it, Rikako shifting to look up at the ceiling. She had said too much, and she knew it. Rikako didn't care. Aelita, at least, was still too innocent to completely understand what she was saying. She would probably bring it up, at some point, but she rather thought Aelita would need to chew on it for a while anyway.

"What about your parents?" Aelita asked. Rikako turned her head to look at Aelita for a moment before looking back at the ceiling.

"I look like my dad," she said after a moment. "My older brother does too. My little brother looks like our mom though. We've all got the dark hair and eyes."

"You have siblings?" Aelita asked.

"Yeah," Rikako felt tears build up as she thought of her family. "Two of the brothers. They drove me crazy but I loved them. I love them so much. I haven't seen them since I came here. I don't even know if they're okay. I don't know." Her voice broke but she didn't cry. "I don't want to talk about this anymore."

"O-okay," Aelita said hesitantly, "Good night."

Rikako rolled to her side so she was facing away from Aelita. She heard Aelita begin to type again and let herself drift off to the sound, her body finally allowing her eyes to stay closed.

She dreamed of home that night. Of times spent at the dinner table and arguing over the TV remote. Of tutoring from her big brother and giggling with her friend. She dreamed that losing them was in itself a dream, and settled in. When she woke up, she let the tears fall this time.


End file.
